Goblins

Nasty little people from the underworld.

Goblins are nasty, unpleasant creatures; they live in mountainous country on the whole and live out most of their miserable lives underground. These disgusting 'people' stand between two and three feet tall when erect, they have smooth skin of various shades and hues and are slightly built, they have short, bowed legs and very long arms. Because of spending a lifetime in subterranean tunnels and caves they are always stooped (their knuckles literally scrape along the ground). The females look almost identical to the males, few would want to get close enough to explore the exact differences!

Goblins are nasty, mischievous creatures, often being described as evil. They enjoy causing misfortune to others and are always pleased to create havoc. They are creatures of the night, rarely appearing in daytime unless they are very hungry and in pursuit of some prey that is active under the sun.

Because of their underground existence goblins are often almost blinded by sunlight but they see well at night. They are burrowers and diggers and have claw-like nails on their hands and feet. Goblins (they say) have no hair, pointed ears and fangs instead of teeth. These beastly creatures rarely venture into man’s lands; their occasional forays tend to be in search of food or loot. They will eat almost anything, including people and are particularly partial to fairies for some strange reason.

Goblinish society is mainly tribal. Each tribe has a chieftain and is made up of a number of clans. Each clan is an extended family of between ten and one hundred individuals. The head of the clan is the meanest, toughest warrior. Likewise the Chieftain of a tribe is the toughest, meanest Clan Head, or perhaps the one who leads the biggest, most war-like clan. Very rarely an exceptional leader will arise who can weld together different tribes and create some sort of nation, however these rarely last long and never beyond the lifespan of the leader concerned. Some chieftains style themselves ‘King’ after the fashion of surface dwellers. In Goblin society ‘Might is right’ is the only law – so anarchy usually prevails, the weak are poor and the strong rich. It takes a very tough leader to persuade (by force) any number of goblins to co-exist without fighting each other.

They are a bit like a hairless monkey with grey skin, long pointed ears and fangs; not especially intelligent but dexterous and cunning. All goblins prefer night to day and have no scruples about what they eat, including cannibalism. They cannot stand sunlight (it makes them feint) and they even wince in moonlight. They live in tunnels and cave complexes in hilly and mountainous areas. Although they do not love sunlight, they can bear it with some discomfort. Some goblins inhabit woods and forests and have been known to sleep in the trees like the elves; however, holes and pits in the ground are considered more homely.

For food, they hunt small beasts of the wild, rats, lizards, birds and birds eggs; occasionally they can be found feasting on an innocent passer-by. On moonless nights Goblins hunt and will eat any flesh they can lay their hands on (including insects). Generally goblins live in small tribal groups or clans and war is limited to primitive skirmishes, usually over food sources. Sometimes, however, the goblins do get more organized and armies are occasional sent to plague the world. Since all goblins are evil, malicious, sadistic and cannibals it is more usual for them to fight amongst themselves. This is a good thing for the rest of us because they are very numerous in some regions and could pose a serious threat to other races if properly organised by a tough enough overlord.

Cornelius Clifford, at the Sign of the Slurping Goblin